Six Months Post Chemo

                      "Turn your face towards the sun. Let the shadows fall behind you." -GG

   Lately my time has been spent working, a lot. I honestly can't complain because this time last year I was desperate to cure myself of the dis-ease we were dealing with. A couple months ago I started working part-time and feeling so happy to be well enough to work, to be around people again, and being of service to others. Shortly thereafter, I was offered a second job to work in the natural medicine industry and naturally, I took it! So here I am, celebrating six months post chemo and I have been working two jobs. Sounds crazy but I am just happy to be well enough to hustle like this. Let's just say an early bedtime has been crucial for maintaining energy and stamina.

   I try not to let money, or lately a lack of money, stress me out. Medical bills, regular bills, living expenses... ugh the struggle is real. However, there are few, more fearful struggles and that is hoping your life or that of a loved one being taken too soon. Having faith in the Universal Spirit that things will work out is the light guiding me through this uncertain life. I also understand the last thing my body needs is unnecessary stress.

   There are a lot of questions and thoughts that go through our minds on the daily. The worst and most troublesome are those laced with fear. I have many fears and struggle with allowing them too much air time in my head. Yes, there are so many, many blessings I also acknowledge on a daily basis and that helps silence most negative emotions. But let me be completely honest, I'm afraid that the nightmare is not over and it's just laying dormant waiting for the next happy phase of my life. I'm afraid I'm not doing enough to stay healthy. Whether it be eating the right foods my body needs, or thinking the right thoughts for my mind and spirit to transcend to higher ground.

   None of us know how much "time" we are given. Most of our lives we spend trading time for money. Is money the meaning of life, working paycheck to paycheck? Of course not, but it does help us live a little easier at times. I know I don't want to be looking for the right job all my life or just "making ends meet." I want to create a life for myself and my loved ones, by serving a greater purpose. Live a life with joy and meaning, a life with love and soul.

So This is 30?

 

"Within tears, find hidden laughter. Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one." -Rumi

 

Within tears, find hidden laughter Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/12768-Rumi/tag/laughter

Within tears, find hidden laughter Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/12768-Rumi/tag/laughter

Steve and I were married right before my 29th birthday. It happened to be my "golden year" you know, 29 on the 29th.  You could say I was ready for happy, blissful days with the man I love, my step-kids, and our two doggies.

   My job situation had finally become solid and I was feeling pretty good about life. Fast forward ten months later, my world was flipped. The last thing I ever expected was becoming a reality and now the task was to figure out to get rid of this mass in my chest.

    Ironically, I bought this Super Love Tees shirt, Good Vibe Tribe about a month before all this happened. The Good Vibe Tribe message, unbeknownst to me, became the launch pad that would carry me though this journey. I took this picture right before I went into pre-op for the big biopsy surgery. Maintaining positive energy was difficult at first and I'd be lying if I said I took it with ease. I knew I had to stay in the present moment, keep living life with positive energy, and not let the fear overpower me.

   The biopsy results finally came back. Seemed like a 50/50 chance of what it could be. If it was a Thymoma( non-c) the mass would be removed via surgery. If it was a Lymphoma (c) I would need chemotherapy and surgery was no longer an option. The outcome was the dreaded Lymphoma and just one month shy of my 30th birthday.

  As my 30th birthday arrived, we had a little party to celebrate. My Dad, his bro, and cousins were there to help us celebrate along with one sister and my bestie. My sister, having known I had started a mostly raw food diet, bought a very special birthday cake for the occasion. It was made entirely out of fruits and veggies and was the sweetest, most heartfelt gesture of love and support. 
 

    To mark the day, I envisioned us girls wearing flower crowns and taking pretty pictures, and that we did! We made our crowns, took pictures, played music, danced and frolicked through the neighborhood and shared our joy. Even during this seemingly dark time, we managed to bring the light with our love and laughter. I was not going to let the fear of the unknown stop the good times from flowing. So much laughter and love when you bring these dear ones together.

                                                             Next up... Unicorns!

  

Healing with Gratitude

   When I started this blog I felt so ambitious and wanted to post something everyday. This was eight months ago when I was at the Gerson Clinic in Mexico. Granted, there was plenty of time during my stay to do such things when the sweet and wonderful women at the clinic were preparing the food and delivering the hourly juices straight to you. What an incredible experience that was. Collaborating with the doctors, nurses, Gerson affiliates, and the ladies of the kitchen was an ongoing effort with one ultimate desired outcome: to put your body back in balance through nutrition and non-toxic treatments. The ladies of the kitchen are the heart of that place. They are so hardworking and kind preparing all the foods and the juices with love.  You can feel it on the hour, every hour.

   The Gerson research stated they are successful in treating Lymphomas. That was all the encouragement I needed to make that effort in treating my condition naturally. In reality, there are many different types of Lymphomas and my particular case turned out to be more aggressive than expected. I had Primary Mediastinal B-Cell Lymphoma, which manifested as a large mass in the chest. Surgery was not an option for my case, and at that time, neither was chemotherapy.

   My husband and I left the clinic after a two week stay and went right into a whirlwind of the next phase. The daily schedule is demanding and coming home to continue the treatment on our own was overwhelming, even with my mother helping us. Hourly juices or just juicing once a day even, takes preparation and time to make it happen. The problem was the coffee breaks and juice regiment had been increased and ultimately equated to more work and less rest, which is not the desired outcome. I started the therapy in August and by October I had developed a cough and needed to rule out a possible case of pneumonia. The doctors said I was dehydrated, anemic, and via an x-ray it was confirmed that my mass had grown significantly. The only silver lining was that I could finally eat outside of the Gerson diet. I sent out for tacos immediately! This is just my experience and feel compelled to share it with anyone is considering the therapy.

   The truth is we will never know the true benefits the Gerson therapy provided me. Some people are absolutists and feel the therapy was a complete failure because I still had to do chemotherapy. There is just not enough research to fairly support that conclusion. I completed six rounds of chemotherapy and my last two scans were clean. Every three months I go back to check labs and in one year I will do another scan. Now my job is to stay well! My gratitude it immense for every angel that has helped me along the way.

Changing With the Tide

 

 

 

Doctors put drugs of which they know little, into the bodies of which they know less, for diseases of which they know nothing at all. - Voltaire

   What a trip this trip has been. Since I learned of my condition, life has taken a surreal plunge into the unknown and the undesired. Some nights I stayed up restless and worried, afraid my entire future was going to be taken or tampered with. There are always those inevitable and various life moments that happen at inopportune times and to people we love the most. Always after the fact, we wonder why we waited so long to change our course.

    I met a new patient yesterday, who not only understood me to the T, but also articulated the very phrase I have been saying in my minds eye about what we will accomplish here. It moved me to tears to make that kind of immediate connection with someone you just met. That morning at breakfast, I sat with another patient who was leaving after a two week treatment. She is in her seventies, lives in Riverside, and was here to get her diabetes under control. She and her husband were sharing with me the condition she arrived in. There were dark circles or liver spots on her arms and legs from all the toxicity she was carrying. Her voice was like old school Chicana; sweet, and calming, as she reminded me of my Nana Helen. Her family asked her to come here to get her body and sugar levels under control. Because of her age, she just figured she was too old to make that needed change to improve her quality of life for her remaining years. I assured her that her children and grandchildren would like her to be around for a long time, and without needless suffering. I cried again. I looked at her arms and let me tell you, they were without spots. Perfect seventy-something year old skin.

  Yesterday was a beautiful and emotional day for a lot of us. The clinic treats ten patients accompanied by their companions on a revolving time frame. More than half of the day we spend together on a property that lends itself very well to a kind of communal living lifestyle. We eat our meals together, enjoy our hourly drinks in the courtyard space near the nurses area. Then of course there is our time spent by the sea. During those moments of waking hours, we exchange stories of experience, strength, hope, loss, victory, and most of all change. Our conversations sometime consist of tears and emotion, usually followed by an abundance of laughter. Before my stay here, I longed to have that connection with another person who was walking the same path. We are similar beings in different ways and it is a blessing to be surrounded by them. Tomorrow is another day of goodbye's to more amazing people, and more experiences that will forever change the way I see the world.

The Journey to Gerson

    Many people have asked me how I found out about the Gerson Therapy. After I moved to Santa Cruz in 2011, there were pockets of time where I struggled to find solid employment, even with my Bachelor's degree. During that time I tried to stay educated wherever possible.  One of those days I recall coming across the Gerson Miracle on Netflix. At some point while I was watching it I thought to myself, how do people not know about this and why aren't more people using the therapy to treat canser? Naturally, the belief of healing your body by restoring its balance of homeostasis through detox and nutrition seemed like a brilliant yet devalued concept. I'm sure in the back of my mind there was the thought that if this ever happened to me I would want to go to Mexico for treatment. Looking back on it I wonder, did I manifest this to happen or was going to happen anyway and I was just given direction at that time.

   Last year when I learned that a dear cousin had canser, I remembered the Gerson Therapy and tried to suggest its adaptation in their home. I printed out the application for the clinic as well as the list of "Desired and Prohibited foods". They playfully called me "The Gestapo" because of the changes I was trying to strongly suggest. The other issue was the cost of the treatment, both for the clinic in Mexico, the supplements, and the cost/availability of organic foods. Rightfully so, the Gerson schedule is rigorous, precise, and multifaceted. While it is costly and labor intensive, the end result is what I consider to be simultaneously restorative and preventative treatments for all participants.

   Initially when I decided not to have the surgery to remove the mass in question and do a biopsy instead, I listened to the dr.'s recommendation. They said if it was lymphoma I'll just do chemo and harvest my eggs as soon as possible. Something did not feel right with that direction and on a subliminal level I started thinking about the Gerson therapy. We were all uneasy with my situation and the fear was flowing more and more. Shortly after my diagnosis, I decided to show my mom the Gerson Miracle. While she was receptive to the principles behind the treatment, she like everyone else, was hesitant to support me in taking that route.

   The day my mom, Steve, and I were in the exam room waiting to meet with the first oncologist, I read the list of chemo side effects aloud so the words of possible outcomes could really resonate with us all. The appointment was hostile, unreassuringly uncomfortable, and ultimately revealing the lack of consideration for me as a person. I felt like I was just another test group or walking data for the drug lords. After the oncologist had enough of our questions and left the room my mom looked at me and said, "So Mexico??" I said, "Yes please!"

 

My Healing Vibe Tribe

   Before I go on to share the happenings here in Mexico, I would first like to acknowledge and express my gratitude to the people who have come forward and offered their support for this healing journey. Every time a supportive message or donation came in, I felt the gentle push of mutual belief that this is the right path.

   On some level, we are all dissatisfied with the traditional treatment options for canser patients. (Thass right I spelled C-A-N-S-E-R like the author Kris Carr, just to piss it off.) We have all been affected by the disease in some way or another and immediately pray this is not a ill-fated precursor for a loved one or anyone else. I see the looks of condolences people give me for my current situation, mostly because we have been without hope for so long. The traditional treatments are a gamble for some, a victory for the fortunate, and a complete loss for many it seems. When given the opportunity, I have always been too frugal to gamble, and so it is today with my quality of life. 

   A million thank you's for every person who contributed money, sent out a positive thought, a good vibe, a healing prayer, or kind intention. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for believing not only in me, but also our amazing ability to restore our health with nutrition; or in my case, soultrition.

   If you are just joining me on this journey and would like to understand the reason for my appreciation and how I ended up on this healing path in Mexico, view my story here.

With much love and deep gratitude,

Jessie Renee

The World is My Masters Program

After I received my Bachelor's in Humanities, I wanted to go to UCSC and get a Masters in The History of Human Consciousness. I'm just fascinated by our species, what makes us do the things we do, what we think about, and why. I also wanted to conduct a cross-cultural analysis of societies throughout history and highlight what attributed to their rise and fall. Who were the movers and shakers? Who were the artists and musicians that were sharing the messages, and how were they received?

I guess I should share a little about myself and how I became a Humanities major in college. Originally, I transferred to CSUN as a Theater major. I love all things theater, the message, the artistic expression, the production, the community, and the inspiration. My first class at the university was World Theater of Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. I studied pieces by playwrights like Augusto Boal and the Theater of the Oppressed, which aimed to use Theater as a tool and a language to speak about all human concerns.

My world was blown wide open. I suddenly was introduced to an artistic expression of suffering in those three world regions. War, famine, occupation of lands, displacement of families, the fight for education, water rights, exploitation of natural resources...the list is quite long. I couldn't wrap my mind around how these things are happening without the rest of the world noticing.

It became clear to me that "changing majors" was cliché but necessary. I declared my major to be Humanities and never looked back. During my curriculum, I studied great feats and advancements of our human kind. We have been to the moon, we have built buildings, we have developed technology, etc. But the question still lingers: How do we preserve the humanity that brought us to this point? How do we ensure our self-preservation in alignment with the ecological systems at already at work?  I know I will not live forever, but my lineage will, as will yours. I care to make change. I am enrolled, for the world is my masters program. Won't you join me?