Six Months Post Chemo

                      "Turn your face towards the sun. Let the shadows fall behind you." -GG

   Lately my time has been spent working, a lot. I honestly can't complain because this time last year I was desperate to cure myself of the dis-ease we were dealing with. A couple months ago I started working part-time and feeling so happy to be well enough to work, to be around people again, and being of service to others. Shortly thereafter, I was offered a second job to work in the natural medicine industry and naturally, I took it! So here I am, celebrating six months post chemo and I have been working two jobs. Sounds crazy but I am just happy to be well enough to hustle like this. Let's just say an early bedtime has been crucial for maintaining energy and stamina.

   I try not to let money, or lately a lack of money, stress me out. Medical bills, regular bills, living expenses... ugh the struggle is real. However, there are few, more fearful struggles and that is hoping your life or that of a loved one being taken too soon. Having faith in the Universal Spirit that things will work out is the light guiding me through this uncertain life. I also understand the last thing my body needs is unnecessary stress.

   There are a lot of questions and thoughts that go through our minds on the daily. The worst and most troublesome are those laced with fear. I have many fears and struggle with allowing them too much air time in my head. Yes, there are so many, many blessings I also acknowledge on a daily basis and that helps silence most negative emotions. But let me be completely honest, I'm afraid that the nightmare is not over and it's just laying dormant waiting for the next happy phase of my life. I'm afraid I'm not doing enough to stay healthy. Whether it be eating the right foods my body needs, or thinking the right thoughts for my mind and spirit to transcend to higher ground.

   None of us know how much "time" we are given. Most of our lives we spend trading time for money. Is money the meaning of life, working paycheck to paycheck? Of course not, but it does help us live a little easier at times. I know I don't want to be looking for the right job all my life or just "making ends meet." I want to create a life for myself and my loved ones, by serving a greater purpose. Live a life with joy and meaning, a life with love and soul.

So This is 30?

 

"Within tears, find hidden laughter. Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one." -Rumi

 

Within tears, find hidden laughter Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/12768-Rumi/tag/laughter

Within tears, find hidden laughter Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/author/12768-Rumi/tag/laughter

Steve and I were married right before my 29th birthday. It happened to be my "golden year" you know, 29 on the 29th.  You could say I was ready for happy, blissful days with the man I love, my step-kids, and our two doggies.

   My job situation had finally become solid and I was feeling pretty good about life. Fast forward ten months later, my world was flipped. The last thing I ever expected was becoming a reality and now the task was to figure out to get rid of this mass in my chest.

    Ironically, I bought this Super Love Tees shirt, Good Vibe Tribe about a month before all this happened. The Good Vibe Tribe message, unbeknownst to me, became the launch pad that would carry me though this journey. I took this picture right before I went into pre-op for the big biopsy surgery. Maintaining positive energy was difficult at first and I'd be lying if I said I took it with ease. I knew I had to stay in the present moment, keep living life with positive energy, and not let the fear overpower me.

   The biopsy results finally came back. Seemed like a 50/50 chance of what it could be. If it was a Thymoma( non-c) the mass would be removed via surgery. If it was a Lymphoma (c) I would need chemotherapy and surgery was no longer an option. The outcome was the dreaded Lymphoma and just one month shy of my 30th birthday.

  As my 30th birthday arrived, we had a little party to celebrate. My Dad, his bro, and cousins were there to help us celebrate along with one sister and my bestie. My sister, having known I had started a mostly raw food diet, bought a very special birthday cake for the occasion. It was made entirely out of fruits and veggies and was the sweetest, most heartfelt gesture of love and support. 
 

    To mark the day, I envisioned us girls wearing flower crowns and taking pretty pictures, and that we did! We made our crowns, took pictures, played music, danced and frolicked through the neighborhood and shared our joy. Even during this seemingly dark time, we managed to bring the light with our love and laughter. I was not going to let the fear of the unknown stop the good times from flowing. So much laughter and love when you bring these dear ones together.

                                                             Next up... Unicorns!

  

Healing with Gratitude

   When I started this blog I felt so ambitious and wanted to post something everyday. This was eight months ago when I was at the Gerson Clinic in Mexico. Granted, there was plenty of time during my stay to do such things when the sweet and wonderful women at the clinic were preparing the food and delivering the hourly juices straight to you. What an incredible experience that was. Collaborating with the doctors, nurses, Gerson affiliates, and the ladies of the kitchen was an ongoing effort with one ultimate desired outcome: to put your body back in balance through nutrition and non-toxic treatments. The ladies of the kitchen are the heart of that place. They are so hardworking and kind preparing all the foods and the juices with love.  You can feel it on the hour, every hour.

   The Gerson research stated they are successful in treating Lymphomas. That was all the encouragement I needed to make that effort in treating my condition naturally. In reality, there are many different types of Lymphomas and my particular case turned out to be more aggressive than expected. I had Primary Mediastinal B-Cell Lymphoma, which manifested as a large mass in the chest. Surgery was not an option for my case, and at that time, neither was chemotherapy.

   My husband and I left the clinic after a two week stay and went right into a whirlwind of the next phase. The daily schedule is demanding and coming home to continue the treatment on our own was overwhelming, even with my mother helping us. Hourly juices or just juicing once a day even, takes preparation and time to make it happen. The problem was the coffee breaks and juice regiment had been increased and ultimately equated to more work and less rest, which is not the desired outcome. I started the therapy in August and by October I had developed a cough and needed to rule out a possible case of pneumonia. The doctors said I was dehydrated, anemic, and via an x-ray it was confirmed that my mass had grown significantly. The only silver lining was that I could finally eat outside of the Gerson diet. I sent out for tacos immediately! This is just my experience and feel compelled to share it with anyone is considering the therapy.

   The truth is we will never know the true benefits the Gerson therapy provided me. Some people are absolutists and feel the therapy was a complete failure because I still had to do chemotherapy. There is just not enough research to fairly support that conclusion. I completed six rounds of chemotherapy and my last two scans were clean. Every three months I go back to check labs and in one year I will do another scan. Now my job is to stay well! My gratitude it immense for every angel that has helped me along the way.